“It’s All About That Bass”

Broken arm. What broken arm? There’s no time for that… I need to dance!

So long summer, hello to a very unwelcoming fall…

I have to say I am very sad that summer has come to an end. It was great while it lasted. It slowly tip-toed in…and then quickly went out with a bang. Literally. A big one.

“I think Kaiya might have broken her arm”. Let me tell you, this is not the phone call you want to receive at work. Not to mention I work 45 minutes from the daycare. I’m lucky there weren’t any cops out that day, because I drove about 85 MPH to get to her as quickly as possible.

Miss Bean took a nasty spill and managed to break both forearm bones in her right arm. She fell victim to a very innocent looking octopus merry-go-round. Who would’ve known that a Little Tikes toy could do so much damage.

When I saw my baby, she was laying down and very quiet- which is not the norm. She told me she felt her bone touch her skin when she fell. Yuck! I looked at her forearm and it was concave.

I made the mistake of calling her pediatrician’s office, who told me to bring her in for an evaluation to determine if she needed x-rays. I should have said “An evaluation??? My child’s arm is bending in the wrong direction!!!” Note to self: next time go straight to the emergency room.

After 8 hours of sitting in the doctor’s office, then the hospital for x-rays, and then the emergency room of another hospital, my baby was finally released with an arm weighing about 5lbs more than when she came in.

All I can say is, thank God for the iPad and that they were able to give her a pink cast! Now the fun part- trying to keep it dry.

My Apologies…

I would like to apologize to anyone that may have been shopping at Old Navy in my town this past Saturday.  If you had to wait a very long time for a fitting room it just might be because I could not tear my daughter away from the over-sized mirror.  Every article of clothing she tried on constituted a new song and dance.

After 30 minutes I was finally able to coerce her out of the fitting room with promises of not 1, but 2 full size peanut butter cups and a bouncy ball from the giant gum ball machine they strategically have placed in the girls clothing area.  This kid knows how to negotiate!

Just give her a mirror and some music and she can entertain herself for hours!

Where have you been?

Well it has been a very, very long time since my last post and I have to say life is extremely crazy with two small children. No one could have EVER prepared me for the amount of energy (and patience) this would take. Working full time and raising these animals leaves me with little to no free time, however there is way too much funniness (i.e. craziness) going on in my house for me not to share.

I believe it is my duty as a fellow mom to share just how crazy life can be with small children. I will not sugar coat my stories – they are as real as can be. I am here to assure you that your child’s crazy and over-the-top behavior is completely normal.

So here we go again for another try. Let the stories begin….

The Mermaid and the Shrimp

So, I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from blogging lately.  It has been a very crazy month, or two.  I never realized just how much work it is having two kids.  It’s no joke when people say that having another child is like having 10 more.  Add a full-time job into the mix and there is little or no time spare.  My weekends are now a rat-race of Target runs, tackling piles of laundry, and trying to spend some time with the kids.  Needless to say there hasn’t been any time left to write.

There is one thing I insisted on finding time for and that was making my daughter’s Halloween costume.  She had been talking for months about being Ariel, the Little Mermaid.  I brought her to the Disney store and asked her if she liked the Ariel dresses they had.  She said,”No mumma.  I want to be Ariel the mermaid.  I need a looong green tail and seashell boobies.”  Well, not sure if you’ve ever looked for a mermaid costume for a toddler, but none of them have tails.  I decided to get to work.  After a couple sleepless weekends, I was able to transform the little princess into the mermaid she wanted to be.  I found a great shrimp costume for the little man, so the two were a perfect pair.

Why Not to Use the Salt at my House

 

I think the video is self exclamatory.  BYOS if you’re coming for dinner.

Why Kids Got it Made

Ready to shop

Yesterday I was having lunch with a coworker and he was telling me how his daughter told him the night before that she couldn’t wait to be a grown-up.  He asked her why and she responded “so I can stay up real late like you and watch t.v.”.    He started laughing and said “It’s not by choice, honey.  It’s called insomnia.”  This got me thinking… kids really have a warped view of what it’s like to be an adult.

I remember as a child I could not wait to grow up so I could “do whatever I want, whenever I want”.  I think that is the perception that most kids have.  And it could not be more wrong.  Guess what???  After 30-something years, I’m still waiting for that day!  Now, not only do I have a boss at work telling me what to do, but a husband and two little tyrants at home.

Kids really do not know how good they have it.  Toddlers in particular.  They have got it made.  Here is the evidence to back my theory:

1. They can say whatever is on their mind.  My daughter has no problem walking into a public restroom and announcing very loudly that it ‘stinks like poop’, while the person in the next stall clearly has not finished (yes, she’s done this).  If I say it, I’m considered rude.
2. If they fart, people laugh and think it’s cute.  If I fart, people think I’m disgusting and scatter like cockroaches.
3. They can wear the craziest things.  My daughter wears a tutu, a tiara, plastic heels, and carries a wand when we go shopping at Target.  People stop to say “how adorable”.  I dress like that and they’ll be bringing in the men in white coats to get me.
4. They get breakfast, lunch, and dinner made for them.  Breakfast for me is licking the peanut butter off the knife and I’ve been known to call a Milky Way lunch.
5. Someone wipes their ass.  Okay, I don’t have anything for this one.  Personally I don’t mind wiping my own.  It’s just the fact that I don’t like wiping their’s.
6. They make messes and other people pick them up.  My car’s been a mess for 2 years.  I’m still waiting for the mice to eat the raisins and Cheerios off the floor (yes, there was a mouse living in my car- a story for another time).
7. They have their own personal stylist.  I would LOVE to have outfits laid out for me every morning.  It sure would reduce the amount of days that I’m late for work.
8. They get naptime.  Are you kidding me?  What I wouldn’t do to have someone come around everyday at 1pm to tell me it’s nappy time.

So there it is.  I’ve pled my case.

Feel free to add to my list.  Why does your kid have it made?

“What’s up your nose?”

This morning we were on our way to gymnastics, our usual Saturday morning routine.  My husband looked in the rear view mirror only to see Kaiya digging furiously into her left nostril.  He said, “Get your fingers outta your nose” and then looked back to the road.  She’s been sick and had a runny nose all week.  I handed her a tissue and said “Here, use this.  Not your finger”.

She took the tissue and wiped her nose.  I checked back a minute later and saw her jamming her finger up there again.  I said,”Stop picking.  That’s gross!“.

Then she whimpered,”I’m trying to get the raisin out”.  Oh, did I mention she was eating a box of raisins?

I said,”What raisin?  You did not just stick a raisin up your nose, did you?”.

She nodded her head up and down.  Then half crying said,”Mumma, it won’t come out”.

I looked at my husband and said,”You gotta be shitting me.  Not again!”.  We just had an incident with a popcorn kernel a few months ago.  And if I remember correctly, it was also the left nostril.

I hopped into the back seat, grabbed a tissue, and blocked her right nostril.  “Blow!”, I yelled.  She started to cry,”Mumma, it’s stuck!”

“Stop crying and blow harder”, I said.  One big blow and out came the biggest snot-covered raisin I’d ever seen.

“There it is”, I said and showed my daughter the booger-covered raisin on the tissue.  “Let me see”, she said “I want to hold it”.

I handed her the tissue with the raisin and said “Don’t you dare eat it!”.  She’s been known to eat a booger or two in her time, so I would not put it past her to eat the raisin.

All I can say is, thank god it came out and we didn’t need to take a trip to the ER.

Have your kids ever stuck anything up their nose?

Bad Hair Day

The Texts You Receive When You’re a Parent

Today I am starting a new category called “The Texts You Receive When You’re a Parent”.  The past couple of weeks I’ve been receiving some pretty entertaining ones from the daycare.

It’s funny how things change.  Just a few years ago, the majority of texts I received would say things like “Want to go out for drinks after work?” and “Want to go shopping on Saturday?”.  Now the only messages I receive deal with pooping and gas, behavior problems, and more pooping.  Ahhh, the joys of parenting.