I'm just a mommy living in a toddlers world

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“It’s All About That Bass”

Broken arm. What broken arm? There’s no time for that… I need to dance!

So long summer, hello to a very unwelcoming fall…

I have to say I am very sad that summer has come to an end. It was great while it lasted. It slowly tip-toed in…and then quickly went out with a bang. Literally. A big one.

“I think Kaiya might have broken her arm”. Let me tell you, this is not the phone call you want to receive at work. Not to mention I work 45 minutes from the daycare. I’m lucky there weren’t any cops out that day, because I drove about 85 MPH to get to her as quickly as possible.

Miss Bean took a nasty spill and managed to break both forearm bones in her right arm. She fell victim to a very innocent looking octopus merry-go-round. Who would’ve known that a Little Tikes toy could do so much damage.

When I saw my baby, she was laying down and very quiet- which is not the norm. She told me she felt her bone touch her skin when she fell. Yuck! I looked at her forearm and it was concave.

I made the mistake of calling her pediatrician’s office, who told me to bring her in for an evaluation to determine if she needed x-rays. I should have said “An evaluation??? My child’s arm is bending in the wrong direction!!!” Note to self: next time go straight to the emergency room.

After 8 hours of sitting in the doctor’s office, then the hospital for x-rays, and then the emergency room of another hospital, my baby was finally released with an arm weighing about 5lbs more than when she came in.

All I can say is, thank God for the iPad and that they were able to give her a pink cast! Now the fun part- trying to keep it dry.

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Video

My Apologies…

I would like to apologize to anyone that may have been shopping at Old Navy in my town this past Saturday.  If you had to wait a very long time for a fitting room it just might be because I could not tear my daughter away from the over-sized mirror.  Every article of clothing she tried on constituted a new song and dance.

After 30 minutes I was finally able to coerce her out of the fitting room with promises of not 1, but 2 full size peanut butter cups and a bouncy ball from the giant gum ball machine they strategically have placed in the girls clothing area.  This kid knows how to negotiate!

Just give her a mirror and some music and she can entertain herself for hours!

Where have you been?

Well it has been a very, very long time since my last post and I have to say life is extremely crazy with two small children. No one could have EVER prepared me for the amount of energy (and patience) this would take. Working full time and raising these animals leaves me with little to no free time, however there is way too much funniness (i.e. craziness) going on in my house for me not to share.

I believe it is my duty as a fellow mom to share just how crazy life can be with small children. I will not sugar coat my stories – they are as real as can be. I am here to assure you that your child’s crazy and over-the-top behavior is completely normal.

So here we go again for another try. Let the stories begin….

The Mermaid and the Shrimp

So, I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from blogging lately.  It has been a very crazy month, or two.  I never realized just how much work it is having two kids.  It’s no joke when people say that having another child is like having 10 more.  Add a full-time job into the mix and there is little or no time spare.  My weekends are now a rat-race of Target runs, tackling piles of laundry, and trying to spend some time with the kids.  Needless to say there hasn’t been any time left to write.

There is one thing I insisted on finding time for and that was making my daughter’s Halloween costume.  She had been talking for months about being Ariel, the Little Mermaid.  I brought her to the Disney store and asked her if she liked the Ariel dresses they had.  She said,”No mumma.  I want to be Ariel the mermaid.  I need a looong green tail and seashell boobies.”  Well, not sure if you’ve ever looked for a mermaid costume for a toddler, but none of them have tails.  I decided to get to work.  After a couple sleepless weekends, I was able to transform the little princess into the mermaid she wanted to be.  I found a great shrimp costume for the little man, so the two were a perfect pair.

Why Not to Use the Salt at my House

 

I think the video is self exclamatory.  BYOS if you’re coming for dinner.

Why Kids Got it Made

Ready to shop

Yesterday I was having lunch with a coworker and he was telling me how his daughter told him the night before that she couldn’t wait to be a grown-up.  He asked her why and she responded “so I can stay up real late like you and watch t.v.”.    He started laughing and said “It’s not by choice, honey.  It’s called insomnia.”  This got me thinking… kids really have a warped view of what it’s like to be an adult.

I remember as a child I could not wait to grow up so I could “do whatever I want, whenever I want”.  I think that is the perception that most kids have.  And it could not be more wrong.  Guess what???  After 30-something years, I’m still waiting for that day!  Now, not only do I have a boss at work telling me what to do, but a husband and two little tyrants at home.

Kids really do not know how good they have it.  Toddlers in particular.  They have got it made.  Here is the evidence to back my theory:

  1. They can say whatever is on their mind.  My daughter has no problem walking into a public restroom and announcing very loudly that it ‘stinks like poop’, while the person in the next stall clearly has not finished (yes, she’s done this).  If I say it, I’m considered rude.
  2. If they fart, people laugh and think it’s cute.  If I fart, people think I’m disgusting and scatter like cockroaches.
  3. They can wear the craziest things.  My daughter wears a tutu, a tiara, plastic heels, and carries a wand when we go shopping at Target.  People stop to say “how adorable”.  I dress like that and they’ll be bringing in the men in white coats to get me.
  4. They get breakfast, lunch, and dinner made for them.  Breakfast for me is licking the peanut butter off the knife and I’ve been known to call a Milky Way lunch.
  5. Someone wipes their ass.  Okay, I don’t have anything for this one.  Personally I don’t mind wiping my own.  It’s just the fact that I don’t like wiping their’s.
  6. They make messes and other people pick them up.  My car’s been a mess for 2 years.  I’m still waiting for the mice to eat the raisins and Cheerios off the floor (yes, there was a mouse living in my car- a story for another time).
  7. They have their own personal stylist.  I would LOVE to have outfits laid out for me every morning.  It sure would reduce the amount of days that I’m late for work.
  8. They get naptime.  Are you kidding me?  What I wouldn’t do to have someone come around everyday at 1pm to tell me it’s nappy time.

So there it is.  I’ve pled my case.

Feel free to add to my list.  Why does your kid have it made?

“What’s up your nose?”

This morning we were on our way to gymnastics, our usual Saturday morning routine.  My husband looked in the rear view mirror only to see Kaiya digging furiously into her left nostril.  He said, “Get your fingers outta your nose” and then looked back to the road.  She’s been sick and had a runny nose all week.  I handed her a tissue and said “Here, use this.  Not your finger”.

She took the tissue and wiped her nose.  I checked back a minute later and saw her jamming her finger up there again.  I said,”Stop picking.  That’s gross!“.

Then she whimpered,”I’m trying to get the raisin out”.  Oh, did I mention she was eating a box of raisins?

I said,”What raisin?  You did not just stick a raisin up your nose, did you?”.

She nodded her head up and down.  Then half crying said,”Mumma, it won’t come out”.

I looked at my husband and said,”You gotta be shitting me.  Not again!”.  We just had an incident with a popcorn kernel a few months ago.  And if I remember correctly, it was also the left nostril.

I hopped into the back seat, grabbed a tissue, and blocked her right nostril.  “Blow!”, I yelled.  She started to cry,”Mumma, it’s stuck!”

“Stop crying and blow harder”, I said.  One big blow and out came the biggest snot-covered raisin I’d ever seen.

“There it is”, I said and showed my daughter the booger-covered raisin on the tissue.  “Let me see”, she said “I want to hold it”.

I handed her the tissue with the raisin and said “Don’t you dare eat it!”.  She’s been known to eat a booger or two in her time, so I would not put it past her to eat the raisin.

All I can say is, thank god it came out and we didn’t need to take a trip to the ER.

Have your kids ever stuck anything up their nose?

Health Care Reform?

The other day I took my son for his 2 month check up.  I have to tell you that I’m not particularly fond of this doctor’s office.  The staff is very cold and I feel rushed every time I’m there.  I know I should find a new pediatrician for the kids, but I have been lazy.  Truth is I had the best pediatrician before we moved and I’m still heartbroken over having to leave her.

While I was waiting the normal half hour in the exam room for the doctor to arrive, I noticed this sign on the wall:

So let me get this straight, I’m bringing my child in for their well visit, which is described as preventative care.  However, during this visit I am not allowed to bring up any questions or concerns that I have???  This does not make sense to me.  Wouldn’t it be proactive for me to discuss any health issues my child is having so I do not have to drag her back to the doctor’s office again?  It’s hard enough to get my daughter in there once a year.  Last time she broke free from my arms and b-lined for the door, trying to escape.

This sign brings me back to this past winter, when I brought my daughter in for a recheck on her ears.  The poor thing cannot make it through cold season without at least a couple of ear infections.  At the time, she was also having some constipation issues.  The child was deathly afraid to poop.  When the time came for her to go, we would sit in the bathroom and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Then she would begin to cry, hop off the toilet, and go running through the house bare ass and hide.  This would repeat itself for about an hour or two until finally she would painfully push out a little round meatball.  Not fun.

Since we were already at the doctor’s office I thought it would be an opportune time to ask the doctor about this issue.  Someone had suggested to use Miralax and I wanted to check if this was safe for small children.  I explained the situation to the doctor and received a 10 second response – Yes, it’s okay to give her Miralax.  Great.

A month later, I received a bill in the mail from the doctor’s office for $50.  I called my insurance company thinking it must be a mistake.  They explained that the charge was due to a secondary topic being addressed – Constipation.  Are you kidding me????  If I had known it was going to cost me 50 bucks, I would have fed her a diet of prune juice, baked beans, & brussel sprouts and prayed for a soft turd.

I’ll be quite honest, I don’t know jack shit about the Health Care Reform.  Perhaps I should educate myself on this topic because clearly the $150 we pay for insurance each week is not enough.  They now need to nickel and dime us.

Has anyone else had this issue?  I’m wondering if it just this doctor’s office, or if they all charge now for each “topic” you discuss.

“I do these moves all the time!”

My daughter love, love, loves the Just Dance 3 video game for X Box 360 Kinect.  She’s been begging me for weeks now to dance with her and I finally got the okay from the doctor to resume normal physical activity.  I don’t know if this is what you would consider “normal”, but my daughter seems to get a kick out of it.

I have to admit that I really enjoy this game, too.  It’s an excuse for me to make a total and complete ass of myself, while getting some excercise, and entertaining my daughter all at the same time.  I call it multitasking.

I even made an effort to dance with her when I was 9 months pregnant.  I can only imagine what the neighbors thought (they have a good view into our front window).   I must have looked like a giant hippo having a seizure.  My husband has video of this and yes, I will hurt him severely if he shows anyone.

The other night we finally had a chance to try one of the dances we had never done before.  My daughter got real excited during one part and yelled, “Ooh, ooh.  I know this dance move!”

I said,”You do?”  She replied,”Ya, this is my dance move.  I do these moves all the time!”  Then she started dancing like a crazy woman.  She almost took her baby brother out in the process.

I didn’t realize my 3 year old had her own signature move.  It kind of reminds me of Elaine’s dancing on Seinfeld.  The video speaks for itself.  All I have to say is my kid is awesome!