I'm just a mommy living in a toddlers world

The Mermaid and the Shrimp

So, I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from blogging lately.  It has been a very crazy month, or two.  I never realized just how much work it is having two kids.  It’s no joke when people say that having another child is like having 10 more.  Add a full-time job into the mix and there is little or no time spare.  My weekends are now a rat-race of Target runs, tackling piles of laundry, and trying to spend some time with the kids.  Needless to say there hasn’t been any time left to write.

There is one thing I insisted on finding time for and that was making my daughter’s Halloween costume.  She had been talking for months about being Ariel, the Little Mermaid.  I brought her to the Disney store and asked her if she liked the Ariel dresses they had.  She said,”No mumma.  I want to be Ariel the mermaid.  I need a looong green tail and seashell boobies.”  Well, not sure if you’ve ever looked for a mermaid costume for a toddler, but none of them have tails.  I decided to get to work.  After a couple sleepless weekends, I was able to transform the little princess into the mermaid she wanted to be.  I found a great shrimp costume for the little man, so the two were a perfect pair.

 

I think the video is self exclamatory.  BYOS if you’re coming for dinner.

Why Kids Got it Made

Ready to shop

Yesterday I was having lunch with a coworker and he was telling me how his daughter told him the night before that she couldn’t wait to be a grown-up.  He asked her why and she responded “so I can stay up real late like you and watch t.v.”.    He started laughing and said “It’s not by choice, honey.  It’s called insomnia.”  This got me thinking… kids really have a warped view of what it’s like to be an adult.

I remember as a child I could not wait to grow up so I could “do whatever I want, whenever I want”.  I think that is the perception that most kids have.  And it could not be more wrong.  Guess what???  After 30-something years, I’m still waiting for that day!  Now, not only do I have a boss at work telling me what to do, but a husband and two little tyrants at home.

Kids really do not know how good they have it.  Toddlers in particular.  They have got it made.  Here is the evidence to back my theory:

  1. They can say whatever is on their mind.  My daughter has no problem walking into a public restroom and announcing very loudly that it ‘stinks like poop’, while the person in the next stall clearly has not finished (yes, she’s done this).  If I say it, I’m considered rude.
  2. If they fart, people laugh and think it’s cute.  If I fart, people think I’m disgusting and scatter like cockroaches.
  3. They can wear the craziest things.  My daughter wears a tutu, a tiara, plastic heels, and carries a wand when we go shopping at Target.  People stop to say “how adorable”.  I dress like that and they’ll be bringing in the men in white coats to get me.
  4. They get breakfast, lunch, and dinner made for them.  Breakfast for me is licking the peanut butter off the knife and I’ve been known to call a Milky Way lunch.
  5. Someone wipes their ass.  Okay, I don’t have anything for this one.  Personally I don’t mind wiping my own.  It’s just the fact that I don’t like wiping their’s.
  6. They make messes and other people pick them up.  My car’s been a mess for 2 years.  I’m still waiting for the mice to eat the raisins and Cheerios off the floor (yes, there was a mouse living in my car- a story for another time).
  7. They have their own personal stylist.  I would LOVE to have outfits laid out for me every morning.  It sure would reduce the amount of days that I’m late for work.
  8. They get naptime.  Are you kidding me?  What I wouldn’t do to have someone come around everyday at 1pm to tell me it’s nappy time.

So there it is.  I’ve pled my case.

Feel free to add to my list.  Why does your kid have it made?

“What’s up your nose?”

This morning we were on our way to gymnastics, our usual Saturday morning routine.  My husband looked in the rear view mirror only to see Kaiya digging furiously into her left nostril.  He said, “Get your fingers outta your nose” and then looked back to the road.  She’s been sick and had a runny nose all week.  I handed her a tissue and said “Here, use this.  Not your finger”.

She took the tissue and wiped her nose.  I checked back a minute later and saw her jamming her finger up there again.  I said,”Stop picking.  That’s gross!“.

Then she whimpered,”I’m trying to get the raisin out”.  Oh, did I mention she was eating a box of raisins?

I said,”What raisin?  You did not just stick a raisin up your nose, did you?”.

She nodded her head up and down.  Then half crying said,”Mumma, it won’t come out”.

I looked at my husband and said,”You gotta be shitting me.  Not again!”.  We just had an incident with a popcorn kernel a few months ago.  And if I remember correctly, it was also the left nostril.

I hopped into the back seat, grabbed a tissue, and blocked her right nostril.  “Blow!”, I yelled.  She started to cry,”Mumma, it’s stuck!”

“Stop crying and blow harder”, I said.  One big blow and out came the biggest snot-covered raisin I’d ever seen.

“There it is”, I said and showed my daughter the booger-covered raisin on the tissue.  “Let me see”, she said “I want to hold it”.

I handed her the tissue with the raisin and said “Don’t you dare eat it!”.  She’s been known to eat a booger or two in her time, so I would not put it past her to eat the raisin.

All I can say is, thank god it came out and we didn’t need to take a trip to the ER.

Have your kids ever stuck anything up their nose?

Bad Hair Day

Today I am starting a new category called “The Texts You Receive When You’re a Parent”.  The past couple of weeks I’ve been receiving some pretty entertaining ones from the daycare.

It’s funny how things change.  Just a few years ago, the majority of texts I received would say things like “Want to go out for drinks after work?” and “Want to go shopping on Saturday?”.  Now the only messages I receive deal with pooping and gas, behavior problems, and more pooping.  Ahhh, the joys of parenting.

View from Above-Yikes!!!

Note to Self:  When you are under 5 feet tall, you must be aware, very aware, of what the view looks like from above.  Yikes!!!!  Well, at least my husband got a good laugh from my text.

Say Cheese

I was at work last Thursday when I received this text from my children’s daycare provider:

Although I was mortified at my daughter’s choice in names, I have to admit I was laughing hysterically when I read this.  I knew she must have picked the word up from somewhere, so I decided to investigate by giving the husband a call.

It seems that he “may have” muttered the words “little bitch” under his breath when she was acting up the other day.  Nice, huh.  Doesn’t he know that she has supersonic ears?  The girl can hear a pigeon fart through a sliding glass door.

Well, I guess she took it as a compliment because she thought it would make a nice name for her new fuzzy friend.  The funny thing is none of the other girls knew it was a “bad” word either.  One of them actually said,”That’s our doggie’s other name”.  Who knew Bitch would become such a popular name for pets?  I wonder if we’ll see it on the Top Pet Names list for 2012.

All I can say is thank God the lady that watches my kids has a good sense of humor.

Oh baby

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